My firstborn is turning 30

Well, tomorrow is the big day. My firstborn, Heather, is turning 30. She's half my age! Does that make me feel old? Not really. But I can remember when I turned 30. I was six months pregnant with her and teaching Kindergarten at the school from which I just retired at Christmas. Now Heather is turning 30. She has 3 wonderful children and is a stay-at-home mom, scrapbooker, seller of StampinUp, nurse, etc, etc. So at age 30, we are at two completely different points in our lives.

At age 30, Heather's life has taken some very different turns than mine did at the same age. She has experienced the heartrending news that her baby has a severe congenital heart defect, the watching and waiting during many hospital admissions and serious surgeries, the uncertainty of everyday life with Asher. Through all of this, she has endured heartache, pain, anguish, anxiety, and stress with a maturity and strength that can come only from the Lord that she loves. I am so proud of her!

I don't think - in fact I know - that I could not have dealt with a situation like this when I was 30. I was not mature enough. Sometimes I think that I'm having enough trouble dealing with it at age 60! It's very hard to watch your child, no matter their age, suffering. There are many times when I feel completely helpless and useless in the face of what she is going through. So I do what I can. I spend as many weekends as I can with her to help out when Ed is at work. I help to look after Blithe and Bram when Asher is in the hospital. (Of course, it's not a hardship to look after my grandchildren. They light up my life.)

I've learned a lot from Heather over the past 15, almost 16 months of life with Asher. I've learned that no matter what, our lives are in God's hands. Only He knows the end from the beginning. And no matter what happens, He will give us the strength that we need for each new day. He can give us peace in the midst of incredible pain and heartache and uncertainty. I've always known these things in my head, but I've come to understand them more in my heart. It's very liberating to completely trust Someone. But I must admit that there are times when I don't completely trust Him. Sometimes it just seems easier to try to look after things by myself. (I'm admit I'm a control freak!) And then I wonder why things don't work out the way I want them to. It's an ongoing struggle for me. But I'm watching my daughter working through some of these issues as well. For so long I was the teacher and now I'm the student. Thank you, Heather, for being a great teacher. And I'm praying that the next 30 years will continue to be a growing experience for you. I love you very much!

Waiting

Waiting is so hard. I'm waiting to hear from Heather about Asher's MRI - what the cardiologist has to say - when his surgery will need to be - what exactly they're going to do for him. I can't imagine how Heather and Ed are feeling right now. It must be so difficult to wait to hear news about your baby, news that probably won't be great, but news of what will be necessary. I've been praying for all of them today, especially this afternoon as we all wait.
Well, I just heard from Heather. Asher just finished having his MRI and sedate echo. The findings are very preliminary at this point, but they didn't see any obstruction in his pulmonary vein. Thank you, Lord! However, he'll probably need another trip to the cath lab in TO soon to deal with what they think the problem is.
So now I just wait for Asher to wake up so they can come and pick me up. I'm going to St. Thomas again for the weekend. I love to spend time with my kids!
I'll just keep praying for Asher and the rest of the family.

Getting Started (with a little help from my daughter)

i'm holding asher now, so heather's typing for me. hence no capitals. i guess i'm just old-fashioned (or, as heather would say, "old school" she would never say i was old) anyhoo.... heather talked me into starting this blog. and i figured that, you know, i spend a lot of time on the computer anyway, and i really do need to start journaling, so maybe i should combine the two. how many of my friends have blogs? i feel so "hip" like paul mccartney or heather, my awesome daughter.

so here's what to expect here: a lot of old lady rambling (but with perfect spelling, and of course, CAPITAL LETTERS, HEATHER!!!!), stories about my grandchildren Blithe, Bram and Asher [notice the caps, mom?], and thoughts and adventures pertaining to my new life as a retiree. honestly, will my housework ever get done? but at least i do heather's laundry and dishes.... does that count? lol

i'll try putting in some pictures, too, once i figure out how to do that. i'll try right now. oh, look! there's a picture.